im into this addiction..
suffering for almost a week now
im glad that my conditions are improving now..
addiction is a scary thing..
it really drive people crazy..
you must really go through to understand how addiction victims feel
i learnt from watching the tv that all kind of addiction is similar in a way that all of them affects the same nerve..
no matter if it is gambling alcohol smoking and drugs
for me.. i think its the most common one.. which is not well known as an addiction..
as an addict pretty much one will feel empty most of the time..
the sensation sucks…
now that im in it.. i can understand why people starts picking up smoking and drinking habits after
these two are the two options that are more widely available to all
people tell me give myself some time.. some time to recover from it..
i guess my progress is going good..
im taking medications haha.. very abstractly..
both in pills and going to for rehabs sessions..
taking it slow.. small dosage each time..
as time drags longer.. i guess i will regain myself back in no time..

along with the rehab..
i suddenly started dreaming alot..
almost every night..
some nights i end up really happily with her..
some nights i had an accident and just die.. spirit came out and see all my loved ones on my wake
some nights im just an awesome bachelor who once lived
and for each nights.. i can dream of many different ones just in one night

religion is really some thing..
am i a Buddhist or am i free
after talking to chevy darren and ray.. i guess im a free..
im just a follower of Buddhist learnings..
only my father was a real full Buddhist..
so actually i can eat beef? hahah.. some day i will go to some holy centaury to find it out myself.. before i really miss out on my fate

finally went out with sec buds again..
chevy brought candice along..
looking at them somehow just remind me of the previous 2 months..
hai.. im happy for them.. but deep inside i know im broken..
i replace those sadness with my signature smile to bless them..

“When im sad, i stop being sad, I feel awesome instead. True story~” Barney
haha.. i remembered this statement vividly from himym
seriously.. managed to do it too..
im awesome C: